IPO Bonanza, AI Selloff, and $160 Oil Fantasies: The Week That Tried to Break the Bull

Let's start with the chaos. $AVGO's guidance miss triggered a 4.7% NASDAQ drop and a 10%+ semiconductor ETF wipeout in under two days — the kind of move that makes you question every life choice. Then $INTC swooped in like the nerd who gets the last laugh, surging over 11% after reports Google is ordering 3 million+ specialized AI chips from them for 2028. Intel is now up roughly 200% year-to-date. Yes, that Intel.

Meanwhile, $AAPL held its WWDC, unveiled a shiny new Siri powered partly by Google's $GOOG Gemini models, popped 2.7%, then immediately gave it all back in a textbook 'sell the news' fade. Tim Cook's final WWDC as CEO ended with a lukewarm standing ovation from the market. Elsewhere, OpenAI confidentially filed its S-1 with Goldman and Morgan Stanley eyeing an autumn listing — joining SpaceX (rumored $1.75 trillion valuation, somehow) and Anthropic in the most overhyped IPO pipeline since 1999.

Oil swung between $91 and $97/barrel as Israel-Iran exchanges rattled markets, United Airlines CEO Scott Kirby is planning for $90–$110 oil indefinitely, and one analyst on YouTube is screaming $160/barrel into the void. The Fed isn't cutting — May jobs came in at 172,000 vs. 80,000 expected — and rate hike odds are now in the conversation. Somehow, airline demand is still a record summer. Consumers are feral.