Strait of Hormuz Crisis: AT&T and Philip Morris Win While Oil Hits $88

Day eleven of US strikes on Iran and the Strait of Hormuz is basically a flaming obstacle course. Two Dynacom tankers got hit off Oman, Saudi crude tankers are retreating from Houthi lines, and the Pentagon has now confirmed the war has cost $37.5 billion and counting. Meanwhile, WTI crude is sitting at $88.32 per barrel, up over 4.7% in a single session. Gas at the pump just jumped nearly 5 cents in one day to a national average of $4.06 per gallon. Your commute now costs as much as brunch.

But here's the twist nobody expected: the markets are not uniformly melting down. The Dow actually gained 208 points on the session, led by $NVDA up 3%. The chaos is creating winners. $PM (Philip Morris) hit an all-time high after the FDA authorized marketing of 20 Zyn nicotine pouch products as modified risk tobacco products. Stress-trading a war with nicotine pouches is, honestly, very on-brand for 2026.

$T (AT&T) is the other quiet winner today. CEO John Stankey delivered a genuine beat: 65 cents per share vs. estimates of 59, with over 432,000 post-paid phone subscriber additions and nearly 370,000 new fiber customers. The company raised its 2026 share repurchase target to $10 billion. Stankey thinks the stock multiple is suppressed relative to future performance, which is CEO-speak for "we're cheap and we know it." He's probably right.

On the other side of the ledger, chipmakers are taking heat. $TSM (Taiwan Semiconductor) and $INTC declined in today's session even as Nvidia held up. A Bloomberg podcast highlighted that Chinese AI models like Kimi K3 from Moonshot appear to lag behind US models, which is mildly reassuring, but the broader concern flagged by HSBC's Max Kettner is harder to ignore: long-only investor sentiment is approaching the kind of "2021 reopening-trade bullishness" that historically precedes a nasty pullback. HSBC stays overweight equities for now, but Kettner's warning to reduce risk after peak earnings season in two weeks is worth bookmarking.

The Senate crypto bill dropped its full 616-page text, including a provision banning federal elected officials (yes, including presidents) from issuing or profiting from crypto assets. Trump reportedly agreed despite his family pulling an estimated $1.2 billion from crypto in the past year. $BTC social buzz is already running hot from the Hormuz crisis narrative, so this provision landing alongside geopolitical chaos is an interesting collision of signals to watch.

One thing is clear: this market isn't trading on fundamentals right now. It's trading on who can survive the weirdest earnings season in memory while a war reshapes global energy flows. Philip Morris selling nicotine pouches to stressed traders might be the most honest chart on the board today.