Intel Beats by 28x, Tesla Prints Free Cash, and the Strait of Hormuz Is Basically a Toll Road Now
From Intel's monster beat to $96 oil and Iran charging ships $1M a pop — here's everything that moved markets this week
Ticker Ratings
| Ticker | Rating | Entry Price | Current | $ Gain | % Gain |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| INTC INTEL CORP | buy | $80.07 | — | — | — |
| TSLA Tesla, Inc. | buy | $373.18 | — | — | — |
| GEV GE Vernova Inc. | buy | $1161.00 | — | — | — |
| META Meta Platforms, Inc. | hold | $660.40 | — | — | — |
| UAL United Airlines Holdings, Inc. | sell | $91.27 | — | — | — |
| ALK ALASKA AIR GROUP, INC. | sell | $41.23 | — | — | — |
| WDAY Workday, Inc. | buy | $116.24 | — | — | — |
| CRM Salesforce, Inc. | buy | $174.40 | — | — | — |
| UNH UNITEDHEALTH GROUP INC | buy | $354.35 | — | — | — |
| TT Trane Technologies plc | buy | $485.90 | — | — | — |
| XENE Xenon Pharmaceuticals Inc. | hold | $55.94 | — | — | — |
| IBM INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS MACHINES CORP | sell | $231.09 | — | — | — |
| CURI CuriosityStream Inc. | hold | $3.39 | — | — | — |
| UNP UNION PACIFIC CORP | buy | $271.14 | — | — | — |
| NSC NORFOLK SOUTHERN CORP | hold | $322.00 | — | — | — |
| WBD Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc. | hold | $26.92 | — | — | — |
| BA BOEING CO | buy | $234.00 | — | — | — |
| TMUS T-Mobile US, Inc. | hold | $194.57 | — | — | — |
| DHR DANAHER CORP /DE/ | hold | $178.44 | — | — | — |
| SWK STANLEY BLACK & DECKER, INC. | hold | $76.01 | — | — | — |
| SHW SHERWIN WILLIAMS CO | hold | $337.71 | — | — | — |
Let's start with the headline that broke finance Twitter: $INTC reported Q1 adjusted EPS of 29 cents versus a street estimate of 1 cent. One cent. The analysts were so wrong they should be submitting apologies to their Bloomberg terminals. Revenue came in at $13.6B — a 9% beat and the biggest revenue surprise in over five years — with foundry revenue up 16% YoY to $5.42B. Meanwhile $TSLA quietly went supernova: $1.44B in free cash flow versus consensus of negative $1.86B, gross margins at 21.1% (street said 17.7%), and unsupervised robotaxis now rolling in Dallas and Houston. That's not a turnaround story anymore — that's a flex.
The macro backdrop is... a lot. Crude is sitting around $96/barrel after Iran reportedly started charging $1 million per vessel to transit the Strait of Hormuz — which, respect for the hustle, genuinely. $META is cutting 10% of its workforce (~8,000 people) while committing to $600B in AI capex, which is the corporate equivalent of firing your cleaning staff to buy a yacht. Airlines are getting absolutely torched — Alaska Airlines is paying $4.75/gallon for jet fuel, and United slashed full-year guidance to half its original target. Ed Yardeni is still calling 7,700 on the S&P and says March 30th was the bottom. He might be right — the Mag Seven has already recaptured $2.5T in market value.
$GEV dropped a $17.44 EPS against sub-$1 estimates and hit a fresh record high. At this point GE Vernova isn't a stock, it's a cheat code. The week's real theme: earnings are printing, geopolitics are scary, and the market simply does not care — and maybe, just maybe, that's the most bullish signal of all.