Hormuz or Bust: Oil Above $105 and the Internet is Absolutely Losing It

Let's set the scene: Iran's Revolutionary Guards just threatened to completely close the Strait of Hormuz if Trump follows through on energy facility strikes, Brent crude is sitting above $105/barrel, and the Saudi Aramco CEO just bailed on a major international energy conference. Cool, cool, totally normal Monday morning vibes.

Bloomberg's podcast coverage confirms the situation is messy — US envoys Witkoff and Kushner are sitting in Pakistan with no one to talk to while Iran's foreign minister takes meetings elsewhere. Meanwhile, YouTube sentiment across finance channels is skewing hard toward defensive assets: physical gold, Bitcoin self-custody, and — apparently — counting calories (thanks, Graham Stephan). The Andrei Jikh contingent is screaming "buy hard assets, touch grass." The macro crowd is, for once, not wrong.

Asia shares are sliding, the dollar is catching a haven bid, and energy stocks are the only ones with a pulse right now. If Hormuz actually closes, $105 oil will look like the good old days.