Hormuz Is Closed, Markets Are Blind, and Nobody Has a Plan — Welcome to Your Monday

Let's get the awkward part out of the way: every major index — S&P 500, Dow, Nasdaq, VIX, 10-year Treasuries — is showing exactly zero right now. Not because markets crashed to nothing (though the vibes are there), but because our data feed apparently decided to take the weekend off alongside Wall Street. Great timing, guys.

What isn't missing is the chaos. Iran has threatened to fully close the Strait of Hormuz — the chokepoint carrying roughly 20% of global oil supply — after ceasefire violations with Israel. Bloomberg's Ian Bremmer is calling the US-Iran war a complete strategic failure on virtually every original objective, drawing uncomfortable parallels to Trump's China tariff retreat. Meanwhile Treasury Secretary Bessent says the US has 'plenty' of funds for an Iran war, which is somehow both reassuring and terrifying. The dollar is rising on haven demand, Asia shares are sliding, and Carnival Cruise Lines earnings on Tuesday just became the geopolitical canary in the coal mine nobody asked for.

Oil is whipsawing, Saudi Aramco's CEO just ghosted a major energy conference, and UK PM Starmer called an emergency economic meeting — all before Monday's open. The market equivalent of showing up to work and finding all the clocks set to zero? That's today.