Dow Moonwalks to Record as Nasdaq Trips—Market Rotates, Tech Faceplants

In this week’s edition of “Is Anything Still Normal?” the Dow hits a record while the Nasdaq tanks—because apparently, the only thing hotter than geopolitics is defensive sector FOMO. While TSLA delivers record Q2 numbers, its stock actually drops 8% (classic ‘buy the rumor, cry on the chart’), and chip stocks like SNDK and MU stumble on fears of an AI memory supply glut. It’s official: tech is out, and blue-chip boredom is in.

Thanks to a ceasefire in the Middle East and a chill jobs report (only 57k added, or as TikTok would call it: ‘mid’), the market is betting on lower rates and a softball Fed. Value beats growth by nearly 10 points YTD, and yield hunters rejoice as the 10-year hangs at 4.47%. Meanwhile, AAPL laughs at memory cost drama, jumps nearly 5% on new iPhone hype, and RIVN pops after upgrading outlook. Remember: even on Wall Street, sometimes doing absolutely nothing is a winning strategy. Just ask the VIX.